then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
