This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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