I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
