remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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