It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
