My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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