I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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