Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
