The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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