Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize