Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
