Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize