I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
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