Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
