nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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