He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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