I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
