We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
