all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
