you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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