come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
