Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
