Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
