Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
