so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
