after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
