You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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