I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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