So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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