i jhust puked up my retainher.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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