Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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