I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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