dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
