Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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