i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
