He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize