I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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