Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
