I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
