I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
