You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
