hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
