Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Let's get the cat blown out
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
