Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
