i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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