What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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