dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
