my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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