1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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