Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
