Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize