Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize