dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
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Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
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When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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