PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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