theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
