I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
