Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish you could order shots online.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
