Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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