All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
