i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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