There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
