I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
