Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
