here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
